In this article we share milestone and development comparisons, Sleep comparisons, Behavior comparisons, Relationship comparisons and Homemaking comparisons
The comparison game is one new mother know well. Even when we try to avoid the “does your baby do this yet?” questions from other new mothers, it’s pretty impossible not to notice when, say, a friend’s 5-week-old is smiling and yours isn’t.
Comparison does more damage on self- confidence of her kids and turns them to victim of low-self esteem.
Normal as it is, comparing can be a recipe for stress. It can also prevent us from fully appreciating what our kids are accomplishing. Here are some common comparison traps — and how to sidestep them.
Milestone and development comparisons
Babies vary widely when it comes to hitting milestones like sitting up, crawling, and walking, which makes this comparison trap a particularly easy one to fall into.
“I remembered how I feel when a friend told me that her 3 months old boy can sit up without support and watching my 3 month and two weeks girl sitting with support”.
Mothers, we’re encouraged by health provider to watch for any development problems or delays and to get help right away with anything we notice. So it’s no wonder we’re constantly wondering what’s normal and what’s not.
Tips to escape from this trap: Research shows that as long as your child is reaching milestones within the normal range, how quickly he reaches them has no bearing on his later skills.
So if your 18-month-old says only one or two words compared to your same-age nephew’s dozen, it doesn’t mean your child won’t eventually gab your ears off.
A pediatitrician says “Milestone development has very little to do with a child’s future potential, and encourage parents not to worry if their children are late bloomers or seem to be at the outer limits of normal.
It’s tempting to think that what a child does when he’s young is going to control his destiny, but everyday experiences don’t bear this out. We can’t determine a child’s destiny based on what month they started walking.
Enjoying your child’s current skills and tricks can help ground you in the present and prevent you from fretting about the future.
Finally, remind yourself that while we can certainly help our children learn new things, we can’t force them to reach milestones before they’re ready. When we attribute our kids’ development to our superior parenting skills, it can come back to bite us.
Sleep comparisons
Put two new parents together and the question is bound to come up: “Does he sleep through the night?” Unfortunately, the deck isn’t stacked fairly: Some babies sleep like a dream, while others fight bedtime with every ounce of vigor in their little bodies.
It’s very difficult to handle this disparity gracefully. “When your baby isn’t sleeping, and your friend brags that her baby is sleeping through the night, you want to kill her, or at least maim her.
Tips to escape from this trap: Like milestones, sleep styles vary. What works for one child can bomb for another. “You might politely ask your friend how she gets her child to sleep, but this will only depress you further when you realize you’re doing the same things and they are not working.”
Instead of dwelling on all the super sleepers out there, focus on finding a solution so that you can get some sleep. If your baby’s ready, you can try sleep training method.
If your baby’s too young for sleep training, you still have options. Ask your partner, relative, or babysitter to watch your baby so that you can take a nap, share middle-of-the-night feedings with your partner, or try these other strategies for sleep-deprived parents.
When the sleep comparison game starts, tune out or change the subject. And remember, this too shall pass.
Behavior comparisons
Our children may “belong” to us, but we don’t own their temperaments. Like eye color, many personality traits are inborn. Still, it’s hard not to shrink in shame when our kids tear hysterically around the library or refuse to meet new people.
Tips to escape from this trap: For all you know, the calm, beribboned little girl at story time may have had a monster meltdown that very at a time.
“I’ve seen children who behave perfectly in public but throw huge fits in their own houses. So I just keep reminding myself that things are not always as they appear,” Of course, you should use discipline or gentle correction when your child does something purposefully destructive, unpleasant, or dangerous.
But when it comes to your child’s personality, plain and simple acceptance is key. If you’re a social butterfly and your baby’s a shrinking violet, or if you love sports but your little one shies away from anything to do with a ball, you may have some stretching to do as you learn to understand and appreciate his particular individuality. Yet this is one of the best gifts you can give your child.
Relationship comparisons
A new baby can be a huge strain on a relationship, and having a friend with a “perfect spouse” doesn’t make things any easier.
A mother once shared that “Not once has my husband let me sleep in. Meanwhile, my girlfriend’s partner insists she sleep in on the weekends while he takes care of the baby, cleans the house, does the laundry, and then wakes her up with a delicious breakfast in bed. How frustrating is that?”
“It took some self-reflection to realize that if I could forgive myself my imperfections compared to other moms, then I could extend the same consideration to my husband. Sure, some people have partners who clean the house and come home early — but they don’t have my husband and all his wonderful qualities.
Tips to escape from this trap: First, remember that unless you live with the other couple, you don’t know the whole story. They may be dealing with challenges that you’re completely unaware of.
Second, focus on appreciating what your partner does contribute.
Homemaking comparisons
Your mommy friend’s house is clean, she makes her own baby food, and her clothes are never wrinkled. Meanwhile, your house is a wreck and you haven’t taken a shower in three days. “Why can’t I be like her?” you wonder.