She is a King woman!, A Kickass Mum and a Serial entrepreneur, Fola Arewa
gives motherhoodng.com the privilege to share her story and testimony with Nigerian Mums.
I officially walked out of an abusive, depressing and destructive marriage on the 14th of January 2017.
entrepreneur. I walked out with #3000 cash and a 7 months old child. I left with a heavy heart and a confused soul.. WHERE DO I START FROM? I want to share my story to encourage someone today, with my LEAVE to LIVE testimony.
He had asked me to answer a simple but dicey question which was “ARE YOU STILL INTERESTED IN THIS MARRIAGE OR NOT”?.. Hmmmm. I had thought about all I passed through in barely 1year, the physical, emotional and verbal abuse from him and his family. My self esteem was gone, I was at total soul wreckage… It wasn’t worth it anymore.
At first, I was shocked and thrown off balance, I wasn’t expecting such question. Not this time! I gave an incoherent answer so I do not look bewildered to him. But no, he wasn’t satisfied, he wanted it direct & blunt, a ‘Yes or a No’
Without further consideration, I gave a never going back NO!
“why did you say No”?
“why didn’t you just say a yes and continue with the miserable life”?
”at least you were certain of a comfortable accommodation?
”where would you put all these LOADS?
“how do you plan to pack all this properties?? (I had 80% of the properties that fitted into the house conveniently)
” Or would you just call upon the abokis to come buy them off”??????
These were the thoughts running through my head as I strapped my 7months baby to my back, picked a few clothes, soaked in my own tears and began the journey to my liberation.
I however pleaded with him to give me some time to come for pack my belongings.
I was a sit-at-home mom during my stay, but I would never ‘SIT’. I was working from home and earning cash. I was up and about, barring the distance between my then home and work environment. During pregnancy, i still wouldn’t ‘SIT’. I was making sure to dot all ‘i’ and cross all ‘Ts’, I was still everywhere, buying and despatching products to clients. 1week after childbirth, I don land market again, Mrs workaholic. All I saved, I have channeled into cooking new food recipes, supporting bills, loaning Oga money (never returned), car brake down and repairs, and been the ‘best’ daughter in-law ..how foolish of me!
So I literally left the marriage PENNILESS!
During my single hood days, I was a hardworking lady, I had a bit of few cash here and there, a lovely apartment to myself and a beautiful store too,I was a comfortable & independent single lady.
My mum knew this usual line “owo ti omo kekere ba koko ri, akara lo ma fi je” (I wish I could translate this)
So she coerced and pleaded with me to acquire a landed property in 2013, I got it.
In 2014, business wasn’t as hot and bubbling as it used to be anymore, too many custom wahala at the border.
My mum came again and pleaded with me to acquire another piece of land at ‘Awoof’ price, I gave out my store and got the property and started operating from home.
Hmmmmm… When this woe started, I went to the closest of the Lands, cleared it, called a carpenter to help fix a store kinda thing, just to fix my head. I couldn’t go to stay at my mum’s place for fear of DALEMOSU and WHAT people will say.
She was mad at me for considering her place far, or bothered about what anyone would say, at the expense of my health or that of my child, so she moved with me to crib under MY CANOPY to help take care of my child. Her words “Your happiness is my happiness, wherever you go, I would go with you” while I go out in search of daily bread.
IT WAS NOT EASY!!! I was close to depression and had suicidal thoughts running through my head. How do I explain to my ancestors that I walked out of a comfortable 3bedrooms apartment to start a life under a ‘canopy’?.
I would hid to buy alcohol, I would drink myself to sleep, thinking I would wake up and all would be a dream. I was restless and unhappy.
My mom knew what I was going through, she would crack jokes, make my meals (firewood o), take care of my child and take care of me, all from her purse. I was emaciating and loosing that beautiful glow, I was going to kill myself if nothing changes, at some point I was close to ending it. No one to talk to except God and my mom(everyone has deserted me even before then, because of my choice of spouse).
But because I had been faced with a more difficult challenge whilst growing up, I wiped my tears and forged ahead.
I weaned my baby immediately, I DOUBLED my hustle, where I would take a bus to, I would trek to save cash. I became the jack of all trades, where I would recommend this or that to a client, I would go get the product, add an extra and sell to the buyer. Our meals was garri and fried fish, snail fingerlings and vegetables. Only my child was on a very good meal of cereal & formula, I couldn’t make him suffer for what he knew nothing about.
In 3 weeks, i started off a 3 bedrooms foundation and built 2 rooms from it, roofed, ceiled with fitting and all.Where this fund came from, only Heaven knows. I was doing massive adverts.. “Please tell a friend to tell a friend that I sell this and that, “PLEASE SAVE A SOUL” I couldn’t beg , cos even if I tell you I was going through hell, no one would believe me.
My mom was super supportive! I can’t help but acknowledge this woman,she is the sister I never had. She’s my world and rock.
She would say “fi owo labor sile, je kin bawon sise” she would bargain real hard with artisans to cut costs, she would go miles to get items, just so we save cash,she mixes concrete and carrys the headpan like a boss. She was my all! She is my mentor and inspiration.
In March, I joined the 3rd room kitchen & toilets. It was roofed, ceiled with all fitted again. Marvelous God!
By this time, I was confident enough to go bring in my properties…. Rude shock, bros had vacated the apartment and stole some my belongings. I packed the remains and left.
Hustling continued.. But in all these, I was POSITIVE, if you see me, you would never believe I was going through a tough moment, I wear a beautiful smile everywhere I go. I was healing, I was making progress.
So I decided to get an apartment in Lagos, since it was close to my business ground, to save transportation costs.
In all these, NO CHILD SUPPORT, NO CALLS FROM EX, NO CALLS FROM HIS FAMILY, I was a complete Good riddance to the bad rubbish in their lives.
Ngwanu! Life has served me lemons, time to make a delicious hot sizzling yummy lemonade… No deterring, no stopping, no going back!
In April, I intensified my hustle, Hmmm, if you see me on the road, forget it, I am an unapologetic hustler, the way I carried load on my head would shock you, because that alabaru #200.00 would make a meaning in transportation fare. I am a beautiful lady, but where it comes to putting food on my table legitimately, I am gangster!
In May, I started working on the sitting and dining room, it’s quite big and costed a whole lot which ate really deep into my pockets. But I was happy with my progress. I was pursuing myself, I have failed the world, I have failed the marriage institute, but HELL NO, I WON’T FAIL MYSELF!.
In June, I completed my HOUSE Single handedly built, no loan, no grants, no gift, simply GOD’S GRACE PLUS HANDWORK! man shishi no dey this work!
It is for real, I made it! At 28, I am a testimony of GRACE, I am a survivor!
My empowerment paid off,my hustle finally paid off! My lala, koko, janjan finally paid off (my yoruba sisters go understand this one) Today, I am a KING woman, a kickass mum, a survivor, a grace significant! The universe was at my mercy. Olowogbogboro took charge!
Yes you can do it! Yes you can survive it, I was able to do this because I WAS EMPOWERED.
Brooding does not fix it, worries does not fix it, even begging does not completely fix it. you have to get up and kick your own ass!
Sometimes you’re lost and worried about what would happen if you leave!
Your violator knows you’re stucked, he currently owns the paddle to ‘drive’ your life, he knows you’re weak, powerless and even cashless.
He knows YOU’RE GOING NOWHERE!
How prepared are you?
How strong is your SAVING game?
are you using all the extra cash to gather soup condiments and practicalize all the food recipes you see online?? (Please don’t be like me during my ignorant days)
Or you want to slay and pepper them with the aso-ebi gang?
…….. Oh well……
Which one did you even solely acquire in the properties that makes up your home?
Abi everything na Oga dey do am??
“Errrmm… my sister, you would not understand o, oga say make I no work”..
….. oh well….
What exactly are you doing to earn YOUR OWN CASH?
How prepared are you for a ‘Worse’ future?
In every thing you do, never allow the satisfaction of your needs and wants be SOLELY attributed to any human, an ordinary flesh and blood!
My single ladies, what preparation are you setting up for your unborn child?
What preparation are you setting up for a ‘worse’ unseen future occurrence?
How ready are you for a rude shock??
Enough of trying to pepper anybody or gang! Now is the time to pepper yourself! Start saving up!
When I got these properties those days, I felt I do not need them.. More like I wasted my cash. I got each property at 5 figures, today, these lands costs a huge 6figures with plenty ‘abeg’
Procrastination is evil, you’re best at achieving goals during your single days. Now is the time!
It is NOT EASY at this other side, but I found peace and total happiness. I have never felt beautiful all my life until this moment. I look at myself and i gush over the woman I have become.
I run 3 ONLINE businesses, but I do virtually everything. I would engage in business I know nothing about, get the hands of certified craftsmen and be the intermediary between buyer and seller.
I was running a race without a competitor. I was pursuing myself.
God showed his way in my life
This my little Rome you see in this video was not built in a day. There are days I feel like quitting, but I looked at my future and what it holds and I continued. The video posted includes all the stages from start to completion. Work is still ongoing but I can’t keep calm,I just gotta post because I know how much this would uplift someone.
In January 2017, I was homeless, shattered, depressed and confused. Today June 2017, 6 months!.I am a landlord & a house owner. I have this building and 2 additional landed properties…God is amazing!
Thank you all for reading my testimony.
May God soothen everyone going through an ugly moment and confused at where to begin. May you find peace.Really it might seem like all hope is lost but you know what, it never is. Stay positive, stay interesting, stay interested. Live. There’s a lot to life.
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