Dr Ada Ezeka Celebrate motherhood as she shared her 40 years experience in the journey, Motherhood Nigeria is glad to have you inspire young mothers in celebrating motherhood this year.
Please read from her below:
MY EXPERIENCES IN MOTHERHOOD
God blessed our now 40 years old marriage with six wonderful daughters. The first will soon be 40, and the 6th will soon be 25.
One day, I sat wondering, “ When did we raise them? How did we raise them?”.
Because personally, I can’t remember consciously sitting the girls down and telling them, “Okay now, this is how to sweep, wash clothes, clean, cook or whatever.” Honestly speaking.
For me, motherhood has been basically by example. That is, I practically modelled wifehood, motherhood and homemaking to the girls by example.
They simply watched me be wife, mother, homemaker, and everything else I have been, so naturally – with dedication, commitment and a sense of responsibility that can’t be doubted. That’s right!
They watched me model strength and sacrifice.
They watched me handle issues concerning them and the home with wisdom and unfeigned equanimity, always.
They watched me relate with househelps, relatives and guests with genuine love, respect, wisdom and hospitality…So they learnt to share the home, food, provisions, and clothes, and make sacrifices when it was required of them.
Today five of them are married. I watch them do wife, mother and homemaking, their jobs, careers, business, ministry with the same strength, wisdom and commitment, and I’m proud of them. I’m not saying they’re perfect!
However, when it comes to their spiritual quality, character, dedication to God, wisdom and the fear of God I see in them, I know it all came from the daily family devotions. I attribute that to my husband’s quality spiritual leadership and example to us all.
When it comes to following us, as we follow Christ ( since we got born again), we never had any problem with them. They were never rebellious towards our “madness”, and near “reckless” dedication to Jesus and the things of God…
Even when their Pharmacist and Managing Director dad had to leave everything and go into full-time Ministry…And they had to go from the most expensive schools (in Kano) then, to public schools (when we moved to Lagos)…Where our 3rd daughter, in JSS2 then, came home from one day crying that the teacher was teaching them English with vernacular!
Our first daughter was 7 when we got born again, and the 3rd was 5. (There were just three of them then). The other three were born after we got born again. Even when their Pharmacist and Managing Director dad had to leave everything and go into full-time Ministry…And they had to go from the most expensive schools (in Kano) then, to public schools (when we moved to Lagos)…Where our 3rd daughter, in JSS2 then, came home from one day crying that the teacher was teaching them English with vernacular!
Our first daughter was 7 when we got born again, and the 3rd was 5. (There were just three of them then). The other three were born after we got born again.
MY STYLE OF MOTHERHOOD…
This much I know:
* I never suspected our girls.
* I never snooped…Like secretly checking their letters, diaries, text, or eavesdropping on their phone calls, or asking, “Who was that on the phone?”, or whether they’re asleep or on the phone with any boy…Naaa!
* Why? I trusted them because I know the Word of God is in them, and that God was watching over them; and that he is able to work with his Word in them to guide them, and correct them when they made mistakes.
* That’s why, when they made mistakes, I was never overly worried, nor did it ever make me question my motherhood. No!
* I never kept my children from watching TV, for fear that they will learn bad things. (I was a very liberal mom, with the wisdom of God playing out in me though. I have always been a very spiritual person – not weird spiritual).
* What I do, instead, is that I sit down with them and watch, so I can emphasize the good things, and use the opportunity of the bad things to teach them what should be. Till today I still sit with them to watch TV (more with our grandchildren now).
* My reasoning was that, if I keep them from the TV, whether I like it or not, they will soon be out there in the world…and I won’t be there…So let’s see the world and all it’s voices together, so I can communicate to them God’s perspective of the things we are seeing.
* I never use the family time for work time or prayer time. I always felt that the time to spend time with the children is not the time to go lock myself in prayer or Word study…I always did that well before they’re all awake, or well after they’re all gone to bed so that I’m not distracted.
* I was never assertive or insistent. If they gave me a good reason for what they did (or want to do) I let off. I respected their intelligence and discretion- always giving them the benefit of the doubt.
* I never wanted our children in boarding school – so we could model life and godliness to them. No one can raise your children to be like you. If you’re sure of the quality of you, you have to do you before them to see, evaluate, ask questions and emulate.
* That’s why I say to women, “Motherhood is in the home – not in the office, the school, the church or in the market. So if your children are not at home, who are you ‘mothering’. And if you’re not at home, where the children are, how can you say you’re doing motherhood?”
* And I always say, also, that motherhood is a responsibility that cannot be delegated. That is, no one can effectively be the mother to your children like you…I define motherhood as nurturing destinies into fulfilment.
* Do I have any fault as a mother? Have I made mistakes as a mother? Only my children can tell…One problem they’d always had with me though was that I’m a “Shouting, shouting mummy”!
* Why do I shout? Because I never liked flogging the children. So I make my voice loud and strong, so they’ll know I’m serious about the matter.
* However, I never used abusive, hurting demoralizing words; or words that are likely to damage their self-confidence or self-image. Rather, I use my knowledge and understanding of God’s Word to instruct and correct my children…Because those are the only kind of words that stay with them, and that God can use to continue from wherever I stopped.
* I could go on and on…But let me conclude by saying that, what has helped me to be the kind of mother I was to our growing children, and I still am to them, and our grandchildren, is my spiritual quality.
* I always say that I am a “Word-made”, “Word-cooked” woman. From the day I got born again, I began to study my bible, read books, listen to anointed messages and songs – oh so diligently, and so insatiable!
* And all that was while raising six growing children – of various ages, even as tender as just a few months.
* The name of the game is balance…And quality spirituality empowers you with commensurate grace and wisdom to do that. Praise God!
Dr Ada Ezeka
(Author, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, Marriage & Family Life Consultant)