Today is children’s day.

God bless them.

I won’t be writing a celebratory message but one of the challenges to parents, especially mothers.

A friend here has been shaking the motherhood table for the past few days and I must confess, this table needs to be shaken and if we all fall off with a lesson or two, then it’s fine.


Listen up women, like it or not, while parenting requires the effort of both parents, we are more guilty of this.

We want to pass on the hurt, bitterness, and abuse we experienced.

We want to beat sense into those children.

We are so confused about parenting but we are too proud to ask for help.

We took the ways of old, hook, line and sinker.

We have forgotten the kind of resentment we had for our mothers who treated us this way.

We have forgotten how unloved we felt all in the name of discipline.

Yes, they did parenting the best way they knew, but we know better, don’t we?

We choose to pretend like these issues are not there.

We choose to conform to societal expectations at the expense of our children’s well being.

We allow religion cloud our thinking in bringing up well grounded, confident and independent thinking children.

We expect them to fear and revere us.

And what have we done?

We’ve succeeded in bringing up broken adults.

We’ve succeeded in churning out damaged goods.

Your children are not your husbands. Leave them out of your failed or turbulent marriage issues.

Your children are not your retirement plan, stop telling them it is their duty to take care of you.

You are their caretakers and not the other way round.

Give birth to the number of children you can take care of, don’t birth children for the older ones to train.

Your children are not an extension of you, stop living precariously through them.

That law degree you never had, please go back and have it, don’t force your music loving child to study it on your behalf. Your name will not be written on the certificate.

The only thing you’ll achieve us have a child who resents you for not allowing him to live his dream.

It is a case of gross failure if after you train a child to adulthood, you still expect her to run each of her decisions by you.
She is now an adult, let her be one.

Have faith in the fact that you have trained your children and let them face the world on their own. When they need advice or guidance, they know your address.

I am a mother and not the best at it, but one thing I’ve always asked for and worked towards is never to choose the society or religion over my children. If that makes me wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

You take your children to church and they’re talked down at and you can’t stand up for them.

Your children get their confidence walked over by your neighbour, sister in law, and whoever, yet so as not to be called names, you let it slide.

I pity you.

No wonder a lot of children are being abused today and they can’t tell their parents, especially mothers.

Some of you know your husbands are sexually abusing your children or wards in your care, yet you turn a blind eye. You are only preparing yourself for ruin.

A lot of us are lionesses all in the name of discipline, let us watch it. Even though these children need to be set straight a lot of times, but let us do it in love. I am also a work in progress.

A good number of us in our quest for money, we leave these precious gifts at the mercy of abusers and wicked people.


I know a lot of us will be taking them out today, today is not the only day to show them love, show them everyday.

Kiss them goodbye.
Kiss them good morning.
Kiss them goodnight.

Very soon, those tiny hands that hang around your neck will not be so tiny anymore.

Soon, those wet lips will tell you: “Mummy, I am now a big girl.”

Love them now, show them now, in no time, they will be all grown and adults.

The way you treat them today is the same way they’ll treat you then.


This is written as 2018 Children day message on Adunni Phoenix’s facebook timeline.