Dear Mum of boys, Shola Allyson has words for you about how to raise our male children.
The big question is how are we training the boys?
Guy, how are you “re-training” yourself?
We should know that how they are trained now is what they’ll carry into life: adulthood, manhood, leadership, “husbandhood” and fatherhood.
Let us train them that they are not better than or superior to the girls. The role of a man is to lead and not to boss. Leadership is service. Let us help them to know that they must apply balance in their approach to life. To be considerate. Be helpful. Kind. To make sure that they endeavour to add unto whoever comes their way, not just claiming rights. To treat girls with respect. To share.
Is it not just the girls we’re training and talking to about etiquette and manners? What are we telling the boys? Or we’re only equipping them to “work hard and provide”? The dynamics of life have changed and are still changing. Provision from the man is more than money. Especially because we’re even training and equipping the girls to have and sustain money too! Where’s the “EXTRA” the boys would bring to the table? Money? Education? Intelligence? Great jobs? What? Those are common these days!
Let us train them that putting money down is not everything. Their sense of value MUST NOT be tied to money! That being vulnerable to their loved ones would not reduce them. Men can cry. Men cry. Strong people cry. Sometimes, all the bottled up emotions manifest as violence, yes.
I know we can see the effect of imbalanced training on marriages these days. True love still exists. But the dynamics have changed! No, not that girls don’t want to stay in marriages, it is because simply, the dynamics have changed. Somewhere in a regular guy’s mind is demanding his woman’s submission without realising that it is by being in his place, giving himself up, in all, for her. When a woman knows that you’re all for her, submission comes easy, even when she has more, or is stronger. I believe it’s that simple.
Let us contribute to the peace in mankind by training not just the girls but our boys too. The way the world is going, it is not JUST about being a man anymore. It’s the little little things!
May the girls send good thoughts our way in future!